annataxxxi

It sucks realizing that I might actually have a problem, but it feels better to just pretend I don't and let it eat my inside. Obviously this is a problem with food, this whole binge and starve routine works great, I just wish I could stop it with the midnight binges, not even because ill get fat but because its crazy and makes me feel like an animal. I'm trying to believe that its because I'm about to get my period any minute.


I think I'm falling in love except I don't know what that is, but I'm just super down for whatever with this boy. I just wish we didn't live so far away from each other, 45 minutes is a long drive already, but that drive with freezing rain and a blizzard doesn't even seem realistic. Does that make me a bad girlfriend, that I'm too scared to drive in bad weather? I don't drive anywhere else either though, except for work, five minutes away. But living that far from each has other disadvantages because we're both used to our own places and friends, so what if we decided to move out together, where would that be? We sort of tried talking about this subject but since I'm such a scardy cat, I dismissed the conversation.


I don't know I gotta stop eating and lose like 20 pounds, someone my size would look good without 20 pounds on me.


Peace

SO like 2010 is here and i'm not one to be all like "this is gonna be awesome because it's a new year and stuff" because y'all know the date just changed a little bit.
I was really happy NYE because i was spending it with the people i just really enjoy, whether they enjoy being around me, i don't really care, but i've just grown to love these kids and seeing them every once in a while is really a good time. It was super awesome that Justin was there, even though he was a little bit tipsy and being sort of annoying, i just let him be annoying because i really think he is the cutest thing, and he is such a sweet heart. being with him is so nice. Being in bed with him all night, and him being so hung over this morning, with his headache was so cute but so sad. i just really like him. i wonder if i like love him? i'm not gonna go that far? Bobby, you just keep your mouth shut.
oh and bobs party was so fun! and funny! i've been having a good time being sober also.
Another reason justin is great: he sometimes drives so i can have a beer or something!
There's a stupid snow storm, and it's gonna keep me away from my babe because he lives like 45 minutes away, and thats taking the freeway. eeeeeek.
One of our homies seriously got jumped, the poor dude, has a black eye, his knee is fucked. And this all happened while he was walking to his house from his friends house, his house was seriously around the corner. it's so shady and fucked up that these motherfuckers were just waiting for him to walk that way, i don't think it was a coincidence at all. I wanna fight these guys. I got zaqs back.
anyways, i'm always excited and happy to see my babe. i like the couple of friends i still have. family life isnt great, but i always hope for the best, except it's sometimes hard to do that.

You know everyone is getting cameras for christmas and i got a great one last year. I don't know where the fuck it is though and that pisses me off and makes me very sad because it was a good little point and shoot. I don't know if my brother hid it somewhere and forgot, if it well out in my car, or if some dumb bitch stole it our of my purse, but i feel like i haven't taken it out with me in a while and any time i'm around dumb bitches i keep my purse to myself. this is just awful.

my bf got me a pink kitchen aid mixer and all i wanna do is mix things and bake, i'm about to make so much whipped cream.

also why is henry rollins charging $25 for his little spoken thing. like yeah the dude is super legit, but who did you turn into that now you could charge people so much to watch you sit there and/or pace around a stage, i really like henry and his views on things, but seriously, when did you get so soft henry? fuck you henry rollins.


getting a bwack fwag tattoo in my mouth when i'm done with these bills and tha holidays.
(i'm pissed at henry rollins, but black flag is still my favorite band)


FTW. for dah win.
i am ballin, like a baller.

every time my boyfriend tells me he cares about me, i try so hard to believe him, but i just can't fully believe that, and it's hard.


and christmas shopping is hard. especially since justin said that he's getting me something super special. eerrrrrrr i don't know what to get him. and he's talking about like chicago and the cavs game.

-i really do actually like my boyfriend, and when we spend time together its the bestest. i try not to get mad at him or fight over things because i would never be in relationships like my mom, where it's just fighting and bickering all the time. i did get mad for a little bit when he slept in and missed our date to the food show. I wanted to see Guy Feiri and michael symon!
-things at home are always weird, my mom acts like she hates every one. and doesn't talk to anyone, even when you just ask her how her day was or how she is? she just says she's watching tv and to shut up, or ask me why i'm asking.
-i gotta go to work, i gotta start savin up for christmas presents.

fucking follow me on my tumblr, i don't use that much, but i like tumblr, and some of you like tumblr too and you post on that shit and shit. yaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh motherfuckers. oh i guess i should post my linkiedink http://laughtur.tumblr.com/


last night i was at this party with my boyfriend and this girl that's in love with him was there, he went outside to get this cd and to talk to her. It took him like 45 minutes to talk and never got the CD. he broke her little heart though, sort of sad, but i guess the bitch was like on her knees telling him she could be everything I am! wtf?!?!?!?!? fruckin' weirdo. no one could be what I am, that's why me and this boy are stickin together. dwama drama ramma, fight me kent, ohio. can't bring me down motherfuckers, can't bring us down, twy it bitches.